When did you meditate for the first time?
Actually, the first time I ever meditated (or tried to meditate), I was in kindergarten. Growing up, my mom was a meditator and yoga practitioner. She sent me to a small kindergarten where we meditated every day in a little circle, around a candle. I don’t, however, claim to have been meditating for 30 years, meditation in kindergarten mostly meant I was just squinting, opening my eyes, and moving around a lot!
How did you get into meditation more deeply?
I began practicing meditation when I was 17. I was going through a difficult time and I remember also feeling inspired by the possibility of living differently than I had known how to up until that point. I think sometimes those feelings arise together, actually- the challenges or suffering and the sense of another possibility, which is in one sense the essence of the Buddha’s teachings. I remember lying in the grass at a local park reading Ayya Khema’s book “Be An Island”. I was struggling, and I felt the truth in her words. A few years later, I read Thich Nhat Hanh’s work and tried to practice again at home, but found it difficult to practice alone. It wasn’t until I attended a meditation evening at the Shambhala center where I actually received instructions and support for meditation from a teacher and a group that I began to really practice more deeply. I started attending weekend retreats in that tradition and weekly sits, and practicing at home. I remember how inspired I felt the first time I was in a room with other people sitting quietly on their cushions meditating. I felt as if I had entered a sanctuary of deep sanity, a sacred and courageous relationship to our humanness. I felt their silent support and that was when I really experienced what meditation actually is.
When did you start teaching?
I began teaching youth I was working with many many years ago, all the way back in 2005! We would sit in a circle and meditate. I was inviting them to notice the sounds, to close their eyes and practice lovingkindness for each other and the other people in the neighborhoods where I worked… to notice their breath. It was beautiful and really inspiring to witness their capacity for presence- a capacity that was often underestimated, because it just hadn’t been encouraged. Later, when I moved to LA, I met Trudy Goodman, who is the founder of InsightLA. She invited me into her first small teacher cohort in 2011, after she put me on the spot to speak about supporting the center with Dana (generosity). I don’t remember what I said, but I do remember the profound feeling of gratitude I had for the ways in which meditation had changed my life. That feeling continues to be my motivation to teach. Before that I had been weaving some Dharma and meditation into my work as a yin yoga teacher for several years.
I know a strong part of your practice is going on silent retreat.. What has been your biggest learning after over a decade of silent retreat each year, the majority of them monthlongs?
There are so many ways I could answer this. A few things that come to mind...Reality is wilder than our limited view of what we think we know. We have access to a deep well of wisdom, well being, and possibility if we choose to take the time to get to know our minds, bodies, and hearts deeply. Learning to be kind, patient and gentle with oneself and others takes time. Humility and surrender are key.
Do you see yourself continuing a month long silent retreat for the rest of your life?
This will be my tenth year of sitting the monthlong or 3 month retreat, which I’m very grateful for. I don’t know that I see myself continuing a monthlong for the rest of my life, as my life circumstances may change in a way that prevent me from being able to… right now I have the opportunity to do so, and I find it is one of the most worthwhile ways to spend my time and life energy. The commitment to waking up is lifelong for me, but the form that takes will shift and change as my life shifts and changes, so I remain flexible. I was having a conversation with someone about this recently- we don’t practice to become more rigidly attached to the form of practice, but to become more flexible to the shape life takes in any given moment! I also like the routine of having a domestic life at home that feels integrated and fulfilling as a householder.
It is easy to meditate when things are “smooth”. What would be your biggest advice to very busy entrepreneurs and parents with children
For entrepreneurs, it’s easy to get caught in our fixation with being productive and meeting our goals day to day, and to and to forget to prioritize our meditation practice. While it’s counterintuitive to take time to “do nothing” except sit and be present with our breath and body, we are training our capacity to pay attention to our experience and cultivate responsiveness as opposed to reactivity, as well as focus, kindness, perspective and other capacities needed to meet our moment to moment experience and stressors. It can be helpful to actually think of your practice as an investment in your work, as well as an investment in working well and living a whole life. For parents, I bow to you! The practice of raising another human being is not a small spiritual task. Although I worked with children for several years, at the end of the day, I could give them back! For parents working hard to balance their family and professional life, I would say, begin with compassion for our humanness. Begin with self-compassion, and your children will benefit from being around someone who is able to be flexible and kind with themselves when they’re under pressure.
Can you give 3 tips to 3 personalities who are interested in deepening their meditation practice….
- Someone who never meditated, EVER.
Begin very simply. Sit up straight, where you won’t be disturbed, and set the intention to be mindful of your breath. Your mind will wander, but just return to your breath when you notice it’s drifted off. Let go of any expectation that the mind should not wander or that you should have no thoughts, and stay curious and open about whatever arises as you learn to be present with experience.
- Someone who is getting started but doesn’t have a consistent practice.
It helps to choose the same time, same place if you can, to help incorporate it into your routine. It could be the first thing that you do in the morning before breakfast, or after your shower, or every day when you get home from work. This can be very helpful in establishing a more daily practice.
- Someone who has a consistent practice but goes through phases of commitment.
I recommend sitting a retreat, even if it’s just a daylong retreat, but especially a residential retreat where you immerse yourself in the practice- this can really help to solidify your commitment. The other thing I would say is that practicing meditation with others in a community regularly really helps. You can join a practice group or just meditate with a friend or two in your own home.
Someone going through a very challenging phase such as loss or depression?
Find a meditation that helps to soothe you, that you can connect with. I would recommend a compassion meditation or lovingkindness practice. Working with instructions around mindfulness of emotion can also be helpful. You can find these on my guided audio page easily. Orient to kindness and care for yourself instead of trying to fix or change.
